didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
