I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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