just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
How's work?
Spinning.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
