Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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