im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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