I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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