so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I intend to get homeless drunk
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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