I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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