that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
