When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
