Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
