better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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