Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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