Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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