Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
