I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
