i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
