I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
