Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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