I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
