Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
