just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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