She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
