The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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