She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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