You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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