Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
