since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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