I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
