i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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