I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
