East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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