Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
