He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
