i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
