He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
