If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
