I just saw a hot homeless man
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
