toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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