i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
