did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
