My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
