Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
