So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
