if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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