the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
