it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
