i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i came on her dog
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
