i can't believe i had my finger in that
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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