u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
